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Centurion 
2010 / Neil Marshall > The Roman Empire provides filmmakers with substantial history from which flesh out fantastic, thrilling dramas. Marshall fails to take advantage of such a backdrop with a story that may as well have been set in the Australian Outback. But while that may have been justifiable, the fact that the characters' lack of common sense drives much of the generic, shallow plot is not. Add onto that the dated twists, Centurion becomes a disappointing follow-up to Fish Tank for Michael Fassbinder and another wasted opportunity for The Wire's McNulty (Dominic West) to have a fruitful role.
Blood: The Last Vampire
2009 / Chris Nahon > Tragically boring. When you’ve got the confluence of vampires, live-action anime and Korean megastar Jeon Ji-Hyun’s English-language debut, you expect at least something. Not necessarily storytelling or character development, but at least lots of awesome fights and maybe some skin. But there too, Blood fails. What a terrible intro to Gianna Jun (as she’ll be known stateside), who gained much of her fame through her hard-knock, lovable lead in the rom-com sensation My Sassy Girl. The lack of adequate roles for well-known Asian actresses continue to leapfrog their abilities, and unless you count Gong Li’s serviceable turn as a half-Chinese, half-Cuban drug-mama in Miami Vice, the category continues to remain empty and shameful.
Mammoth
2009 / Lukas Moodysson > Did Inarritu ghost-direct this? It's got Babel-lite all over it. The whole thing is so predictable, so messy, so amateur, I'm frankly a bit troubled. Maybe Moodysson just wanted to try his angle at the liberal apology for globalization, but this is too shallow and too simplified. As much as I hated A Hole in My Heart, I'd prefer see more risky endeavours than this kind of mediocrity.
20th Century Boys: Chapter Two - The Last Hope
2009 / Yukihiko Tsutsumi > We've established that Japan's incapable of making a proper blockbuster by looking at the treatment the first chapter received, and now that the second chapter's here, there's no need to beat that dead rabbit again. But there's another dead rabbit worth beating, however: Some comics, mangas and books are theoretically unfilmable. They're considered so because most minds can't grasp how such works should be portrayed on the screen. In these cases, the director needs to have an innate understanding of not only the work in question, but also the intent of the author as well as a personal vision and style that doesn't deviate from the aforementioned intent. And that doesn't happen often, otherwise we wouldn't be hellbent on panning so many adaptations that've peeped through Hollywood's budget books over the years. But two examples that pop-up instantly in my mind are Michael Winterbottom's Tristam Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story and Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Both utilize different angles of approaching classic works in transforming them into something magical. You could make the argument in each case it was not necessarily the technology that was lacking, but the imaginations. To add further fuel to the fire, consider the creativity that went into Fritz Lang's Metropolis, a grand gesture of the cinematic medium even before sound arrived!
Tsutsumi just hasn't done that. Chapter Two is confusing, with terrible pacing and mediocre acting. Even the few dubbed dialogues in Thai aren't synced properly! The show's a bloody mess, and really, what more can you expect from a manga that jumbles back and forth, each time letting small pieces of information flow through the storyline. Another thing that's missing is the sense of scope that the manga provided. Compared to the dystopian vision that Naoki Urasawa intended, the recreation here is childish and almost laughable to the point where the whole plot seems ridiculous. But the manga finds ways to make you believe, and that, above all, leads the movie into a realm of failure. All of this, sadly, I still attribute to terrible production value. In the right hands, this is a masterpiece. But here, it's just box office fodder.
Horsemen
2009 / Jonas Åkerlund > You know how a well-written thriller is supposed to be one step ahead of the viewer, making sure that the tense atmosphere continues until the very end? This isn't one of those. Too often, the genre conventions fell into place and I found myself one step ahead of Dennis Quaid's detective in charge of discovering the Horsemen behind some grizzly murders. In and of itself, this could survive if the story is good, but even that fails because of lack of scope. It's as if someone promised me a trip to Paris and then took me to Philadelphia—it simply doesn't work. No matter how well intentioned the ending may be, disappointment remains. All this is quite sad in two respects: Akerlund was on my list of directors to watch after a risky yet satisfying effort in Spun. Also, it was nice to see Zhang Ziyi play something different (in this case, a creepy, slithering snake of a woman with devious intentions).
Grave of the Fireflies
1988 / Isao Takahata > War's tough business, and fallout from the bloodshed affects everyone involved. Bravely and tastefully, cinema has over time tried to convey such moral dilemmas and barbaric vengeance, but once in a while, a movie comes along that makes the viewer feel dirty for the wrong reasons. Widely acclaimed for its animated portrayal of two young, Japanese orphans in World War II, Grave of the Fireflies has made me feel that way. It's easy to justify the film's bleak, helpless nature as a dose of realism, but I'd go as far as to say that it plays on the sensitivities of those who have dealt with wartime struggles. It manipulates the viewer without substantiating the emotions. Akiyuki Nosaka, on whose novel the film is based, was himself inspired out of sheer guilt for failing to support a family member. This guilt is what's now being projected on the hapless viewer? That's unfair, and the director should actually be the one to feel dirty. Our sympathy should be earned, not exploited with the tears of young children.
He's Just Not That Into You
2009 / Ken Kwapis > He's Just Not That Into You is one of the most mediocre attempts at legitimizing the tough-love, romantic dramedy genre in Hollywood. It fails primarily because it tries to be street smart only to then fall into trite turns and twists seen a mile away. The lack of focus also doesn't help: Proper storytelling needs to address the little nuances that tilt emotions, but here we're dilly-dallying left and right, making sure the dots connect, and all the while, are being given advice and then being told it's wrong. This again reminds me of Ben Younger's much unheralded sophomore effort, Prime, which I recall as one of the last movies with similar themes and big stars that worked successfully on multiple levels. Plus, let's be honest at this point: Scarlett Johansson's sheer presence on a screen is enough to ruin any movie.
The Hottie & the Nottie
2008 / Tom Putnam > Last year, I was slotted a silly, amateurishly made yet almost jovial little sci-fi horror flick called Raptor for Lucid Screening’s White Elephant Film Blogathon. Because the film didn’t take itself so seriously, I was inclined to comment on it in a satirical fashion, tongue-in-cheek with lots of superlatives and naked praise. This year, I expected to do more of the same, but to my great surprise, Tom Putnam’s The Hottie and the Nottie is not a joke. This is a mostly serious production with mostly serious intents. But as it sits at #51 on the IMDb Bottom 100 (up from #1), one has to wonder where it all went wrong.
Let’s start at square one: Director Putnam’s last film was Red White Black & Blue, a respectable PBS documentary about the Japanese invasion of Alaska in 1942. It stands in out in history as being the first and only time since the War of 1812 that a foreign country has invaded American soil. Everyone from trade bible Variety to The Christian Science Monitor and The Boston Globe laid accolades on it, the latter calling it “a wrenching look at a forgotten battle.” So how does the director of that go forth in directing this, a movie that was pimped out to the masses in the guise of a Paris Hilton showcase? The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know Putnam, but one thing is for sure: Hollywood isn’t easy, and every critic and commentator out there blindly splashing manure at this piece of work because of Hilton’s involvement ought to be ashamed of themselves for not being more considerate.
The Hottie and the Nottie is not a classic. It's not even good enough to become a cult favorite. It’s mediocre at best, though it should be filed a couple of notches below that. But it’s also not as bad as the reviews would suggest. My disgust stems from incendiary commentaries around the Internet that knock this movie down simply because of Hilton's involvement. There are proper ways to be critical and then there are half-assed ways. Much of what I've read is of the mooning assortment, devoid of respect for the hard work of all the individuals who actually did hone their craft on this unfortunate movie. Show your anger at those who caused this to be such a disaster. First of all, the marketing is terrible. The posters and DVD covers have Hilton (“the Hottie”) glowing in a white bikini while pal Christine Lakin (“the Nottie”) stands behind her looking like the offspring of The Goonies’ Sloth and the mother from Peter Jackson's Braindead. It’s an unappealing sight undoubtedly Photoshopped for further effect, and simply a bad business decision. If there’s really anyone who could be blamed for the failure of such a production, it would have to be the marketers and whoever was responsible for the casting of Paris Hilton.
The writing is good enough for what the movie was supposed to be: A run-of-the-mill My Fair Lady with a slight twist. But Hilton cannot act. She’s statuesque, almost frigid and incapable of evoking emotion. She’s not even the lead, yet she ruins every scene she’s in. One could argue that her celebrity has caused us to take her less seriously, but then how do you respond to the way Angelina Jolie marveled in A Mighty Heart? Good and great actors work beyond their real-life egos to make audiences believe, but Hilton, flush with her family fortune, lacks that in spades. In fact, what may be scary is that her performance in this was only slightly worse than in 1 Night in Paris. Recast her character and we’ve already improved the final product by 100%.
Story-wise, the fundamental problem with makeover movies is that they're predictable. You know the protagonist will get the once-ugly girl. That's the formula, but give credit to screenwriter Heidi Ferrer for trying to change things up a little. Lakin (who most of us remember from the mid-90s TGIF sitcom Step by Step alongside Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Sommers) transforms in a more respectable fashion than usual in this sub-genre. It's natural and readily believable. And while Lakin isn't Rachel Leigh Cook, she's still a formidable ugly duckling. Even Joel David Moore, known primarily for the portrayal of a wacky game designer in Grandma's Boy, puts forth the kind of lovable loser performance that's bound to tug a couple of heart strings.
So, about Putnam and Hilton and the film as a whole: How did this occur? Hilton is listed as executive producer, so maybe her Benjamins influenced the direction. Maybe Putnam realized making documentaries wasn't the way to pay rent. Maybe the marketers saw the final product, realized it stunk of six-month old milk and decided to sell it to the VH1, I Love New York niche-market that loves celeb trash to death. But even they'll be disappointed. Either Putnam or Hilton or someone else with muscles flexed them to the point where the film's identity crisis forcibly looms over its path to success: Too serious to be taken as a gross-out romantic comedy, and too ridiculous to be satirized.
Choke
2008 / Clark Gregg > I've never read anything by Chuck Palahniuk, but between Choke and Fight Club, one has to be closer to the truth. The latter is a masterpiece, a testament to the modern twenty-something in deep need of guidance. The former is ridiculous. Well, at least the movie is. The gimmick of a sex addict doesn't really do much in terms of driving the plot, though I'm sure it got a couple of people to buy the DVD hoping for some Kelly Macdonald nudity (sorry, there is none). Halfway through, I was wondering what the point of it all was, and there wasn't really any ending I could have imagined that could have saved it. I was right. At least it gives you an idea or two about airplane etiquette.
The Mist
2007 / Frank Durabont > I assume this was meant to be some sort of a conceit upon humanity, but it's effectively a well-directed, technically apt version of an average Twilight Zone episode. The fact that it's executed well doesn't excuse its weak foundation and an ending that's downright shameless. Apparently it deviates slightly from the ambiguous version that Stephen King originally penned, but it does make me wonder just how much better a film it would have been.
Babylon A.D.
2008 / Matthieu Kassovitz > I should have guessed when Kassovitz himself denounced the final product, but I figured it was worth a shot. I'm generally a sucker for apocalyptic near-futures, and this one seemed to have a lot of the typical plot points—military black markets, religious fanatics, a savior or two. But Fox's interference during the filming process looks more than obvious. Considering what Kassovitz was capable of in La Haine, arguably a better version of Boyz n the Hood, this is a mess beyond belief. The story jumps, becomes incoherent, then suddenly has a wonderfully poignant (at least in its own, deluded mind) finale. Supposedly there's a longer cut out there somewhere, but the director himself has said that he didn't even get to film his vision. So, in effect, any alternative cut out there ought to be rendered useless.
Dream
2008 / Kim Ki-duk > Again, Kim further solidifies his rank as the most polarizing director in Korean cinema. He's usually hit or miss, and sadly, even with the presence of Odagiri Jo, Dream comes off as a wasted opportunity. Sure, the movie is intended to be a bit of a puzzle, and nothing should have been taken at face value, but that alone doesn't make it better. In fact, the film's progression simply frustrates with its so-called cleverness. In some ways, this is a deconstructed version of Mulholland Drive, which is a film that you can't help but respect even if you don't like it. But in its deconstruction, Kim has dumbed things down to the point where there's no meat on the bone, that the audience continually gnaws upon empty illusions. The only thing of real note happens to be Lee Na-yeong's dramatic turn that can't help but surprise in response to her previous outings (e.g. Please Teach Me English).
Blindness
2008 / Fernando Meirelles > Maybe this is another one of those novels that's unadaptable, because Meirelles' vision is nothing short of torture filled with the kind of stereotyped, polarizing "lessons" that makes decent movies into ham-handed atrocities. Even as it is technically proficient, with fine acting performances from Julianne Moore and Japan's Yoshino Kimura in her English-speaking debut, Blindness still comes off as a chore. The film's simply not enjoyable, and when the credits roll, the satisfaction borne of the ending is significantly underwhelming considering the emotional upheavals experienced earlier.
Max Payne
2008 / John Moore > Confessions first: I loved the video game when it was first released. I loved the story, and I loved the gameplay. But ironically enough, I couldn't remember much of the story (besides the obvious wife and child getting murdered). So, while watching the movie, I had no idea that they were actually being surprisingly faithful to the whole thing. Which makes me ask: Did this story simply make more sense as a video game? Because as a movie, this was predictable and a huge waste of potentially awesome bullet-time sequences. In fact, there's nothing to indicate the Max Payne action-style in the whole first-half. Worst of all, the casting is atrocious. Mila Kunis is wonderful in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but not so here. Mark Wahlberg? He's no Max Payne, let's face it. And this movie, it doesn't do the game justice.
Pineapple Express
2008 / David Gordon Green > I can't help but say how surprised I am at how much I couldn't stand this movie. I barely laughed at its predictable jokes and had trouble cringing through its terrible story. Sure, maybe the focus of the film wasn't its story, but rather how silly things get when toked up. But there's a difference between credulous silly and insulting silly, and this is pretty easily in the latter territory. An incredible mishap and a terrible introduction to the works of Green. I just wanted this to end, but it dragged on forever.
All God's Children Can Dance
2008 / Robert Logevall > I'm probably not the easiest of people please when adapting a Haruki Murakami work, but I tried my best to understand Logevall's vision. Unfortunately, unlike Jun Ichikawa's work on Tony Takitani, the hour and a half of meandering done by star Jason Lew seems forced and unnecessary. This was never a story that should have been developed this far, and had it been necessary to make it full-length, maybe taking Ichikawa's direction (where the last half of his film is basically based on one short paragraph) would have been more suited. Otherwise, it mostly bores. On top, Joan Chen's indie-quirks are pretty hit or miss (the latter being this, the former being Saving Face). Treatment for Murakami's written word is hard: His novels are too complex, and his short stories are too simple. Either way, Murakami or no Murakami, All God's Children Can Dance works only on the most superficial levels before receding back into the uninteresting.
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
2007 / Zach Helm > Had high hopes for Helm's debut, having loved his writing in Stranger than Fiction. Throw in Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman and Jason Batemen and we should have had a winner, no? Sadly, the film is a complete and utter mess based on ideals that are better fit for a sketch on Sesame Street. While the store in the film brims with imagination, the plot apparently got the short end of that stick.
The Golden Compass
2007 / Chris Weitz > Boring and bloated though undeniably gorgeous, it's no surprise that The Golden Compass failed miserably with both critics and audiences. Once you get past the eye candy, the film lacks the charisma to stay afloat, which is too bad, because now we'll probably never get to see the story finish. This also marks a serious misstep for Weitz, whose About a Boy was full of heart and wonder.
Meet Market
2008 / Charlie Loventhal > I'm not sure why I watched this (Krista Allen, maybe?), but Meet Market is basically a self-congratulating ode to those who believe there's some sort of sexually charged possibility in picking out the right tomato. It's not bad by any means, but it's not memorable either. The kind of metropolitan dating flicks that actually work to the end are the ones that bring something new, not used stories picked up from existing flicks. It's an interesting effort, no doubt, but one that's subpar and doomed to be filler on cable television.
Semi-Pro
2008 / Kent Alterman > Somehow, Will Ferrell has become a product (and that's fine). Since Frank the Tank first streaked through the college campus in Old School, his hyper-persona has become a face that sells movie tickets. This has led to many memorable parts: Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights, Buddy in Elf, and a subtler Harold Crick in Stranger than Fiction. But a hyper-persona alone cannot make a film work. Without proper casting, writing and direction, this throwback comedy during the days of the American Basketball Association, with crazy balls, crazy moves and Julius Erving, falls flat even before it begins. Simply put: There's just too much Ferrell and not much of anything else. If we want that, there are better options. Sure, the viral marketing ploy with Heidi Klum in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was brilliant, but that was better than the film itself. Hopefully the studios got the message, as Semi-Pro is Ferrell's worst performing film to date.
Beautiful
2008 / Jeon Jae-hong > A social commentary on the heels of Kim Ki-duk's Time by protege Jeon, Beautiful stars the naturally gorgeous Cha Soo-yeon as a woman who makes everyone drop at her feet. Then an act of tragedy occurs that makes her think twice about what it is that she's flaunting. The script, written by mentor Kim, is undoubtedly trying to tell us something about how superficial the world has become, but isn't this obvious by now? The cliches in the film are blatant, and the exposition sensational. There's something in there, somewhere, that's worth examining further, but the film seems to simply tip toe around it for an hour and a half, acting superior to the audience. Face it: Nobody who watches this ought to discover any new realities of the world afterwards, and if either Kim or Jeon think they're pushing out something revelatory, it's time for them to get their own reality check.
The Oxford Murders
2008 / Alex de la Iglesia > The Oxford Murders is a mostly forgettable, unimaginative thriller that tries to dumb down The Da Vinci Code into a mathematical trick. Elijah Wood is woefully miscast and Leonor Watling's there for mostly her naked body behind a lonely kitchen apron. The twists and turns are ludicrous on the back of a surprisingly bad effort for de la Iglesia's follow-up to the enjoyable The Perfect Crime.
Open City
2008 / Lee Sang-ki > Open City is effectively a showcase for Son Ye-jin and her costume designer. Her dresses are smart and sexy, a couple of things the film completely fails at. It's bad enough that the story centers around pickpocketing gangs, it's even worse than it takes itself so seriously that it never achieves the level of depth or structure necessary to justify its silly premise. It arguably tried to piggyback on the success of Tazza domestically, but fell very short with its superfluous melodrama and undeveloped characters.
M
2007 / Lee Myung-se > It's probably not a stretch of the imagination to call Lee the most visually stunning director in Korea, if not Asia, but there continues to be a disconnect in his storytelling cohesion. The colors, atmosphere and mood are striking in M, but what the movie is supposed to be is hard to tell. The direction keeps on changing, shifting genres with absolute disregard to the viewer. This would, of course, be completely fine if it ended in an understandable manner, but even that rationale is mostly thrown out the door when the credits roll.
Good Luck Chuck
2007 / Mark Helfrich > There's something disturbing about watching Dan Fogler in the presence of other women. In Good Luck Chuck, his sleaze factor is through the roof, which actually becomes mildly fascinating after a while. Either way, this gross-out romantic comedy is both enjoyable and forgettable for its over the top premise. Dane Cook is likable and Jessica Alba is in it. So, that was good.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
2007 / Tim Story > For some reason, I thought it couldn't get worse than the original, but indeed that was a naive assumption. Sequels are generally worse and this is no exception. Silver Surfer should have saved this, but he comes off pretty bland and one-dimensional, and the climactic sequence is lacking proper character development to be effective. Jessica Alba is in it, though. So, that was good.
Mr. Brooks
2007 / Bruce A. Evans > Mr. Brooks takes multiple pages out of serial killer thriller flicks and tries to package it together, but it's all been done before. There's really nothing fresh that the film offers that makes it stand out, though the interactions between Kevin Costner, William Hurt and Dane Cook are surprisingly entertaining.
Music and Lyrics
2007 / Marc Lawrence > When the basis of the film is based around a songwriter, its ultimate sin is what Music and Lyrics commits: Having a rather boring, homogeneous treat for the ear. Other than that, the story is a bit ho-hum, and Drew Barrymore is simply annoying. The sort of childish charm from 50 First Dates is gone and instead replaced by a character built around silly paranoia and self-pity, exactly what you don't want to deal with in a romantic comedy.
Balls of Fury
2007 / Robert Ben Garant > As silly as it sounds, the idea of Dan Fogler making out with Maggie Q takes Balls of Fury two full notches down on the totem pole of love. In theory, there wasn't much that could go wrong with a parody of Enter the Dragon starring Christopher Walken and ping pong, but the show quickly runs out of meat and starts packing the minutes with unremarkable filler that stretches thin by the climactic sequences. There are some good moments, though better fit to be viewed as clips on YouTube, not with full attention in front of the screen.
Eagle vs Shark
2007 / Taika Waititi > Quirky can work, but it has to work with the film and its characters, not against them. In Eagle vs Shark, the joke is mostly on the male lead (Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords) and much of the cast surrounding him. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy, but the film progresses more as a portrayal of family dysfunctionality. That would have been fine if it weren't for the fact that only the female lead (who, played by Loren Horsley, is a quiet joy to watch) shows any emotional development. In the end, what seems to annoy/anger me the most is the sheer human patheticness that's accepted. Films like Oasis approach those who aren't capable of intertwining with society on their own behalf with intelligence and tact, but here, it's just utilizing them as fodder for cheap, nervous laughs.
The Brave One
2007 / Neil Jordan > It'd be one thing if the moral dilemma was abrasive or tactless, but The Brave One somehow manages to turn the inherent tension necessary in a film such as this into a bit of a snoozefest. Jordan's attempt to re-wrap the revenge genre fails as there's too much being slapped together to create some greater meaning. Ultimately, much of the film is simply conventional—Not to mention that the whole bit is a minor personal attack on the borough of Manhattan.
The Ten
2007 / David Wain > The Stella boys are pretty hit and miss: Wet Hot American Summer was fun and quirky, though far from brilliant. The Baxter had a sort of undeniable charm that kept it interesting. But The Ten and its gimmick of playing individually upon Moses' commandments gets old a bit too quick. Most of the stories lose steam when one realizes that they really don't go anywhere: They amuse briefly before simply becoming an obstacle until the next story. How much it reverberates simply depends on how much of the Stella comedy you can appreciate without thinking if its all a bunch of inside jokes.
Soo
2007 / Sai Yoichi > As a revenge noir, Soo has most of the components under its wings, but nonetheless fails to fly. The characters are simply uncompelling and the storyline continuously absurd. In short, it lacked the panache that drove the success and enjoyment of A Bittersweet Life. I wouldn't be surprised if a little tighter editing could turn this into something a lot more memorable, as its saving grace is its coldness, and that's both unique and worthy of further exploration.
Protege
2007 / Derek Yee > One Nite in Mongkok is arguably one of the finest Hong Kong crime/noir films ever made, so I was very much anticipating Yee's follow-up within a similar genre. In Protege, however, Yee has disappointed me considerably, as the film falters from incredibly uneven pacing and a lack of passion and focus that sucks the juice out of what could have been a rather powerful storyline. There are definitely some great moments (such as Andy Lau in the bathroom), but the overall tone is too pedantic and constantly meanders for meaning and approval.
1408
2007 / Mikael Hafstrom > It pains me to say that the payoff in 1408 didn't suffice, because it's definitely a well-crafted psychological horror with none of the childish tactics of the latter two Saw films. Hafstrom has skill as a director (noted in both Derailed and Evil), but these scripts just don't do him justice. Or maybe I'm overestimating his ability past the pure technical aspect. Either way, Cusack's presence made the film bearable for me even if the end didn't equate.
Four Eyed Monsters
2006 / Susan Buice & Arin Crumley > I don't deny that the intent here is of great interest: How has the world of relationships evolved with the advent of social networking for those who are still somewhat lost, especially in their twenties? And with that, it starts off quite strong. But somewhere along the way, it digresses into issues of identity that are specific to a certain demographic (of which I can't entirely relate to). Ultimately, it's a deeply personal film by Buice and Crumley, who also star, and one that should attract those who have a certain sense of disillusionment from urban living vs. original expectations.
The Hole
1999 / Tsai Ming-Liang > While I've gotten somewhat used to Hou Hsiao-Hsien, it's still been a bit of a dogfight "getting" Tsai's films. The question I find myself asking is: If nothing really happens in a film, do you go out of your way to find meaning? I think no, mostly because if we did that with every film, it's possible to find loads of layers that were not intended to begin with. And in many ways, I still find intention to be one of the cornerstones of filmmaking. (It is, of course, possible to not execute your intention properly but still result in a better film than originally intended—and judging that is quite another dilemma.) Anyhow, The Hole and its semi-apocalyptic romantic musical isn't for everyone. Tsai remains a director you love or you hate, and while I won't go to the polar negative, I can't say I've warmed up to him by any means.
Cars
2006 / John Lasseter & Jon Ranft > Toy Story might have jumpstarted the animated film genre a little over eleven years go, but the magic of previous Pixar films have definitely failed to carry into 2006. This, what has widely been called the best animated feature of the year, is long, arduous and painstaking in its delivery of an all too obvious life lesson. It rarely entertains but instead folds back into a shell to manipulate emotions and make us feel as if there's something below the hood, but alas there isn't. It's a little insulting, even, when compared to the magic of The Incredibles and the ingenuity of Monsters, Inc. One can only hope that Brad Bird comes back in full force with Ratatouille to restore the pride of Pixar and take the art form back to respectability.
Factory Girl
2006 / George Hickenlooper > First, a blessing of sorts: Sienna Miller can actually kind of act. Unfortunately, however, Hickenlooper's attempt at mimicking a Warhol-in-film style falls flat through its brash interruptions of what could have been a decent biopic. The script starts decently enough, but then the drawn out storyline with the faux Bob Dylan takes the film further into the realm of unbearability. It becomes bland and boring, and while Guy Pearce's Warhol raises a few eyebrows, the ultimate result is forgettable.
The Painted Veil
2006 / John Curran > It's beautifully filmed and Desplat's score is impressive in its ability to turn violent at a moment's notice, but the film is flawed in its ability to say something beyond the obvious. People make mistakes and redemption often comes when the world is put into perspective, but The Painted Veil tries to say that in a way that finds itself to be almost self-congratulatory. I've never read the novel and am unsure of its depth versus the film, but maybe something is lost in the adaptation that keeps it from being of interest. As a period piece, it works on basic levels, and Norton's passion in making the film comes through, even if a little forcefully at times, quite well.
The Pursuit of Happyness
2006 / Gabriele Muccino > The reason the film is ultimately bearable isn't because of Will Smith's performance, but rather the predictable yet heartwarming moments our protagonist finds himself in. Much of the storyline progresses as expected, and by the end all is swell and life goes on. The voiceovers are probably the worst part, and it brings down the film a whole notch. As an underdog movie, it's nothing special—at least not something a dose of Rudy can't cure.
Of note is Thandie Newton's portrayal of Smith's wife, which I found striking considering she's often billed rather lackluster roles. Her character's not particularly multi-faceted, but what she does, she does well. As for whether Smith deserves a nod for the Oscars, it's tough to say. He'll probably get the nomination since the role is a made-for-Oscar one, but without a doubt there are better options out there.
Romance
1999 / Catherine Breillat > Layers and layers of metaphors about love and sex, companionship and space, mixed in with explicit sexual sequences and pseudo-drama: Does it work? Maybe for some, but I found myself losing focus due to the sheer incredibleness of the story progression. There's something fascinating here, but I've had trouble constructing it into something coherent. It's a film that's worth watching again in a few years, possibly after having seen the rest of Breillat's works, but at this point, it's a social experiment at best.
The Fountain
2006 / Darren Aronofsky > It's pretty, and the music's not bad either. But how much validity there is in Aronosky's interpretation of love and death, I'm not sure. I found myself quite bored and annoyed at the lack of any real tangible concept in The Fountain. What Aronofsky's trying to say is there at the tip of his tongue, but it never comes out as it should. Many have commented that the film is for the deeply intelligent thinker, but I would argue that they may be deluding themselves into believing a rather self-important piece of work that's force-fed via the glowing face of Rachel Weisz and bald head of Hugh Jackman. While Aronofsky should be commended for standing by his labor of love, it does not excuse the film's excesses. The remainder is filled with style, repetition and naive philosophies that fail to support the initial premise.
Time
2006 / Kim Ki-duk > In what can arguably be called his safest work to date, Kim spews forth an uneven and somewhat marginalized social commentary on plastic surgery. Ironically, what seems to be the film's strength is the underlying knowledge that Kim likes to surprise and taunt the viewer. Unfortunately, here he fails to meet the level of his previous successes. The characters are by nature weak, and their lack of proper judgment does little to motivate the viewer to care. By the end, the storyline remains shallow, the basic thesis remains overdone, and much of the rhetoric is too obvious for it to be impactful.
Drink, Drank, Drunk
2005 / Derek Yee > Romantic comedies from Hong Kong are arguably some of the silliest films in the world, and Derek Yee's Drink, Drank, Drunk is no exception. However, somehow Daniel Wu's acting is even sillier. Nowhere present is the level of emotion he showed in One Nite in Mongkok, and there is virtually no chemistry onscreen between him and Miriam Yeung. If it weren't for the ending, which was a absolute surprise (although I imagine Yee always has at least one decent trick up his sleeves), the film would have been an absolute wash of two hours.
Miami Vice
2006 / Michael Mann > Dreadful, monotonous and an underwhelming disappointment. Having expectations for a Michael Mann film is a bad idea, since living up to the standards he set with Heat and The Insider are a little unfair. But I was hoping the re-imagination of Miami Vice and the mainstream debut of Gong Li would be reason enough to keep me interested. But unfortunately the music, cinematography and the presence of Ms. Li is not enough to save the disjointed, unnecessarily contrived plot line from caving into its own back.
American Dreamz
2006 / Paul Weitz > I expected more from the director of About a Boy: After all, Weitz should have been capable of a well-done, imaginative satire on the state of today's media. But American Dreamz basically ends up engulfing itself in several layers of useless satire that render it cliche'd and predictable. The irony here is that the message of the film—a mockery of American Idol and our government—gets lost in the silliness that ensues. The subtlety of Weitz' previous films (including American Pie) is completely lost here, as is the film's potential charm.
The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift
2006 / Justin Lin > There are a few great scenes in the film, including an incredible sequence deep in the heart of Shibuya. And many will argue that these scenes make the film worth its running time. Unfortunately, the story itself is so bland and teeth-tugging, it's hard to care for any of the characters, including the horribly miscasted Lucas Black as an good ol' Southern boy who just can't stay away from his cars. The races, of course, are the focus, and they are successful for the most part. I did find the climactic race a little boring compared to the introductory one, and up until that point I had hopes for a smashing finish. I find myself disappointed, having put my faith in Justin Lin since he will direct the American Oldboy. After all, high standards are warranted when you've been picked to do such a project.
Tideland
2006 / Terry Gilliam > If your only defense for Tideland is the phrase, "It's Gilliam's purest film yet," chances are you'll have to do better than that to please the general audience. There's a lot here to love, but unfortunately there's also a lot here to bore. The idea that the whole story is told through the eyes of Jeliza-Rose, a young girl who becomes orphaned early on by her heroine-abusing parents (played superbly by Jeff Bridges and Jennifer Tilly), is by no means enough to validate the long, enduring passages of repetitive dialogue and uneventful actions. Were this to be a short(er) film instead of clocking in at almost exactly two hours, the tightness of the script would have held together the otherwise magical aspects of the film.
Star Jodelle Ferland is truly a sight to behold: She drives every scene with one of the most charismatic performances seen by a young actor in quite a long time. Co-star Brendan Fletcher, playing a mentally challenged boy/man, also shines, and the two balance each other well enough in the latter half of the film to make things a little more bearable. The cinematography is dark yet beautiful, and the overall feel of the film is almost an anti-Alice in Wonderland (although, there are no extensive travels into a rabbit hole here). For any Gilliam fan, this is a must-see, love or hate. For others, it's a crapshoot at best.
I Wish I Had a Wife
2001 / Park Heung-sik > Two of Korea's finest actors (Peppermint Candy's Sol Kyung-gu and Happy End's Jeon Do-yeon) in a romantic comedy? While an interesting setup, the script itself is often flaccid and tries too hard to be anti-mainstream. And that's pretty unfortunate, because it's not often you get actors of this caliber to jump onto a film of this sort. Often quite predictable and drawn-out, I Wish I Had a Wife tries to mimic the pacing and emotion of films such as Christmas in August and Someone Special, but ultimately crumbles into an overwhelmingly mediocre production. Recommended for fans of the actors, but no guarantees for those who like romantic comedies.
Bloody Tie
2006 / Choi Ho > While promising simply due to its starring duo—Crying Fist's Ryu Seung-beom and You Are My Sunshine's Hwang Jeong-min—Bloody Tie ends up being a bloody mess. The premise is of a semi-crooked detective playing footsies with a dealer-turned-informant in a crystal meth-infested Busan. In theory, this could have unraveled into a terrific action/drama, however the muddiness of the plot, the opaqueness of the characters' motivations and failure of the film to set a consistent tone combines into a rather wasted effort.
Kidulthood
2006 / Menhaj Huda > Flat-scripted and thick-footed, this loose London-based homage to Boyz n the Hood is ultimately cliched to the bone. While it's plastered with slick style, it falls through in making the viewer care. Aside from the opening sequence, the script is messy with sequences that don't fit with the overall schematic. Thrown in, they serve to distract the viewer and take up time that could otherwise be devoted to creating a better foundation for the core storyline. However, the shining star of the film is Aml Ameen, who plays the kid who "ought to know better." Thankfully, the mystery of his character holds Kidulthood together until the end, and helps ease any itchiness one may have to press the stop button.
The Customer is Always Right
2006 / Oh Ki-hyun > There's a very interesting concept hidden in this otherwise cliche'd film about blackmail. In a way it's a gimmick, but one that could be utilized to perfection by a director with a different approach. Moreover, don't avoid watching this film because of its posters: They're deceivingly comic and unfitting to the feel and sense of the film.
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