2006 / Bryan Singer > My disappointment in Superman Returns has considerably little to do with expectations, and everything to do with the fundamentals. I’m amazed that Singer has constructed a giant caricature of a superhero film, filled with big explosions, a villain with ridiculous plans and a storyline that tries to pull a cover over our heads. Dare I say, that even Ratner did a better job with X-Men: The Land Stand because at least he made that fun.

The film has lots of big action sequences, many of which are technically fantastic, but in reality felt laborious to the viewer. Moreover, many of the plotlines—particularly that of Lex Luthor—simply don’t make much sense. Luthor’s plans are inane, but even that is topped by the uninspired climax. Why on earth would you build up that film only to conclude it so simply? Thankfully, Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey were entertaining enough to keep me interested. Brandon Routh’s Clark Kent was well done, but his Superman was fairly harmless and bland (which, sadly, may have been a structural issue).

With great hesitation, I do look forward to Superman Reborn, as it has a much darker, grittier and considerably more interesting storyline. Also, the so-called twist in this film should also be further exploited in the sequel, which alone should make for some entertaining cinema.

2005 / Ridley Scott > There’s been a lot of talk about how the director’s cut of Kingdom of Heaven is a considerable improvement on the theatrical cut. While I agree that may be true, both cuts fail to take the film beyond a level of superfluous grandiose. Sure, there are some memorable sequences—the climactic siege at Jerusalem is a magnificent artistic and technical achievement—but that isn’t enough for a film nearing four hours where I keep asking myself, “Why do I care?”

There were too many deviations from the main plotline, many of which would have been better left out. The backstory provided in the director’s cut is of importance, however I could have had a little less of Eva Green’s character, who was ultimately time fodder. Worst of all, it feels, was that the epicness of the film was mitigated heavily by the middle third, which became an attention-testing palace drama. The mistake Sony made wasn’t chopping up the film for theatrical release, but rather cutting up the incorrect parts. Who knows, maybe now we’ll get a theatrical director’s cut that will work a little better.

2006 / Brett Ratner > To my dearest Bryan Singer: I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for abandoning the X-Men. I’m sure I’m not alone in this assessment. Mr. Ratner has meddlingly turned what potential you put forth in this series into a childish circus, filled with caricatures and dialogue that ought to be spoken by eight-grade thespians. Why are there so many wild tangents in this film? Why do people have to die left and right for emotion to be evoked? Why essentially windowdress what could have otherwise been a considerably deeper storyline than the previous two? By the end, I could care less about the explosions because I was so bored by the whole escapade. And what about that silly post-credits “ending?” What purpose does it really serve other than to say, “Hi, I am Brett Ratner, and I am planning on directing another X-Men film!” Dearest Bryan, please do your best to keep him away from such a tragedy. Thank you.